i think i get it now.
you know that time during the night
when youre just lying in bed
and thinking about so many different things
that has happened that day
or the day before
or the week before
or has just happened before

that time is a scary part of the night.
because its then when im letting myself
think about unnecessary crap
that seem to overtake my life
im thinking about
the most important parts of the day
that just sticks out like a sore thumb
maybe becuase its so embarrassing
or maybe i just keep thinking
of how many different ways i couldve handled that situation better
or maybe i miss laughing that hard
and being on that awful high.

i dont know.
i guess, this time is the scariest
since this is where the wishful thinking comes in
and its the time when i try to shut my eyes
and think absolutely nothing but sleep
but i cant

so thats why i always
tire myself out before i go sleep.
because i hate going to sleep when i know i wont immediately fall asleep

its because i dont ever want to face this time of the night.

it feels depressingly lonely.

its absolute silence,
so quiet that my thoughts just wont stop reverberating just to create some sort of noise.

i always want to skip this part of the night
and just fall asleep immediately.

but they say that dreams are initiated by the last thought that you have before you fall asleep.

so really, is there any way we can escape this?

i scare myself sometimes.
i like crying.
i dont know.. it feels good letting emotions run out of you, literally.
thats why i love watching tearjerkers, reading sad but heartfelt stories, listening to sad songs,
it makes me feel emotional.
and i feel better after that.
maybe it makes me realise im still human?
or maybe i recognise that other people feel helpless in situations too
so its not just only me.

wow i really do hate being lonely. \

HOLY CRAP.
i just found the exact graphic quote that sums up this post entirely.