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i feel i can achieve the impossible
Wednesday, October 20, 2010 @ 10:43:00 PM
113/ knowing that God has everything under control makes me happy. I feel really comforted from what Cho said in her blog post yesterday. the distance. Like, knowing that God really has plans for me, I feel a little more at ease. I haven't lost any belief in your ability to reach your goal btw Cho. I think that you are underestimating yourself, but DUDE! I am so insanely thankful for this post ahaha. I'm feeling exactly this ): so thankyouz for the reminder about how God really has plans beyond our own. I think ultimately, I'm just scared that I'm not going to like what he wants for me. In my mind, I know what I want and I'm terrified that God is going to lead me into another path where I'm not really ready to go through. Or worse, I'm worried that God had a plan for me and I messed up one of the plans he had for me because of my lack of studying and laziness earlier this year. I KNOW I shouldn't be feeling like this! But I feel like as if I really want to go to ANU and if I don't get above 96, I'm really scared of what's going to happen. Translation: I don't want to go to Macq. I guess I'm also feeling nervous because I'm terrified that whatever ATAR I'm going to get, is going to make me a bad representative of Ruse. Reading what I wrote just then seems like a load of bs. My relationship with God is based entirely on faith and so I really just need to trust him that this is how it's meant to be. I am insanely nervous of what's going to happen, insanely nervous to know what he wants for me, because that ATAR is going to determine what's going to happen for the next four years of my life. Or more. I really don't know if I'm going to be happy with it, like if I miraculously got into Usyd/ unsw (um, no, not going to happen), or I'd be excited but nervous, like if I got into ANU, or I'd be really mixed up because I can't decide what I should go with, like if I got into UTS and I'd have to decide whether I should stay in Syd or go to Canberra +_+; or I'd be feeling sick in the stomach because I'd have to go to Macq for law. Or if I really should be choosing law in the first place! I do think I've learnt a lot in the past few months. Post-trials, I've realised how much my grade means to me, how much friendships mean to me, and I've noticed how we are all in this together and how easier it is for me to relax when I have my friends nearby. I've learnt that studying isn't such a bad thing after all, and it can be fun, and it's really not that hard to study when you get the hang of it. I've learnt that maths is insanely important and would have been much easier if I did the homework and really PRACTICED, english is all about memorising good essays TWO nights before, NOT one, choosing the right subjects is so important, exams need a lot of exam technique preparation, being on edge is not good for my sleep, sleeping late is not good for my body and my concentration skills, and doing DOE/ aiming high for cadets isn't only for a badge/ ranks. I wish someone had told me all this earlier. But all I can do now is work even harder, and hope to God that my memory is working properly for the rest of these two weeks. TWO WEEKS! Can you believe it? I'm DONE in LESS than two weeks! Another 13 days. (: til freedom! x back to the top? 1 comments
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