Last night, I was on the verge of crying. I was panicking so much. And this was like, 2, 3AM in the morning. I realised that I have so much work to go - I still haven't rewritten my 3U creative for goodness sake! English is supposed to be my best subject! What if I can't memorise them all in time, there's hardly any time left! I have tomorrow and Thursday to finish off rewriting my essays and creatives and finish eco notes that are taking me FOREVER (NO KIDDING) and once next Monday hits, I think I'm going to panic every single day. And I feel like as if I don't know anything about economics, and I don't have time after this week to really LEARN everything about economics! And I made such STUPID mistakes in a 2U paper (I scribbled STUPID in big letters all over it) and I haven't even touched 3U because I'm so afraid of maths. Ancient isn't sticking inside my head, and every time I read ancient notes, I keep thinking, would mod have been easier to remember? Would I have enjoyed mod more than ancient? Why did I not choose better subjects? Why did I not choose subjects that scaled better? Why did I not choose subjects that RUSE ACTUALLY DID PRETTY GOOD IN?! And then I think about my ATAR estimate, and then I think about how it's so difficult to keep up with everyone, and then I think about WHY THE HELL I WAS SO STUPID TO NOT WORK PROPERLY THIS YEAR. And then I think about why it only hit me during TRIALS that I was wasting away Year12.

I am so scared right now. I AM NOT FREAKING READY. It took me forever to get to sleep. I wanted to call someone too but then I kept thinking that it's so late, and it's all just so stupid and everyone's going to tell me the same thing. STOP THINKING AND JUST WORK. STUDY HARD. WORK HARDER. CONCENTRATE. But what if I'm just like that. Like, even working harder isn't going to be enough. I know I have to stay positive, I know I have to work, I know I have to concentrate and just DO THE STUPID STUDY, but why does it not stay in my head? I can do the study. I can rewrite everything and try to understand everything, but IT'S NOT STICKING IN MY HEAD FUCKFUCKFCUFKCFIAJFKJF. I am RUNNING OUT OF TIME. I KNOW so many people tell me that I can do it and I just have to do my best. But FML I wish it was that easy.

I'M FREAKED OUTTA MY ASS. (taking the words of Lauren Yip. LOL). But I am. I am so so scared. I don't even know what I'm scared of. I think right now I'm just so entirely disappointed in myself. I don't know how I can get out of this mess.

I need to cheer up. I need the right advice. I need to work work work work work. PLEASE STICK IN MY HEAD.

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