I am so incredibly scared about the end of term 3. It's not like I'm not looking forward to finishing trials and hsc, but it's more about how I'm not going to see my grade for every single weekday bar holidays. I'm scared of all the nostalgia that I'm going to feel whenever I look at the Ruse uniform in my wardrobe, or how many times I'm going to say how much I miss everyone over the phone, or on msn, or facebook, or even through here. I can just imagine me, typing away, approximately six months later, and remembering how today, right now, I felt so.. sad that this is the end. I feel like, I never got to know my grade enough, there are still some people who I hardly talk to, there are some people who I never got to know well enough. I feel like there's been a whole load of missed opportunities and wasted time, a whole lot of regrets and I-wished-this-had-turned-out-differently.

I think most of all, I'm scared to see Ruse2010 fall apart. Thinking about my year 6 grade in MPPS, I only keep in touch with only a very few of them - most from church and ruse. If, going by a six year time frame, things would end up like that, well. I think it's inevitable that I'm going to lose contact with many rusians.

Salleezors posted up a 'rewind' post. I'm saving mine for later (;
(when it gets closer to the actual end of term 3, and when I can find/ be bothered to gather photos LOL)

For now, I'm taxing Amelia/ Crystal's 21 things haha:

1. I am late to everything. If you want me to be early, when I ask for the time that I should be there, tell me fifteen minutes earlier than when the rest of you all will be there. Otherwise, I will be late. It's pretty much guaranteed hahaa.

2. I automatically like anything that makes me cry. As in, movies/ books/ talks etc. I believe that by it being able to make me cry, it obviously means that it's good enough to produce huge reactions from me. In saying that, I get emotional very easily.

3. I like to think that my life was changed in Year 8. I was a very bitchy, very slack, very up-myself kid in primary school/ Year 7, someone who didn't deserve the bunch of friends she had then. It took two years to show me that the world is not ever only about me, that being humble is a trait that everyone should have, that by not having everything that I want is the end of the world. I was shown that I could have fun without emotionally harming anyone, that I never had to resort to name-calling and backstabbing to resolve arguments (not that any of that does), and that I missed many many many amazing friendships just because of my stupidity back then.

4. I'm not good with commitment of any kind. I get bored and restless easily and I'm someone who just can't stick to one thing for a long long time. All my extra-curricular activities only probably lasted for about two-three years. I change my blogskins regularly. I've moved houses more times than I can remember. Shazzy can vouch for the large number of phones I've ever owned (okay that wasn't because I got bored of them, it was just kus they really died, but still). Relationships too. I push people away. There really isn't that many people who I'm superbly close to, although that's more because I think people get bored of me easily XD.

5. I live too much in the past and the future and not enough in the present. I love memories too much, and I love imagining about what I'll be like/ what I'll be doing while the present gets ignored. I hope that one day, I'll mature and realize that the present is also just as important as not forgetting my past (which grounds me) while planning for whatever happens in the future.

6. I'm not superstitious, but I can't help but think of superstitious things. When I get a number for something, I automatically check if it's got 4s, 6s or 13s in it. I consider 3s, 7s, 9s, 11s, 23s, and 37s lucky. o_o. They're not, but.. yea. ==; haha.

7. I'm afraid that, by being Asian, it reduces chances of really 'making' it in the Australian work environment. I also regret that I don't know the chinese language as fluently as I would like, and for not being able to read a lot of it too. Which means that it'll be hard for me to go back to say, HK and work. Not even sure if I want to. I believe that it would be easier in Australia than nearly any other Western country but at the same time, it's not going to be easy at all :/ Especially if I want to work in the media industry.

8. My favourite mode of transport is by train. Maybe it reminds me of HK, or the London trains during eurotour, or how I watched a lot of Thomas the Tank Engine when I was young, but regardless, I love it. Haha.

9. I like making others happy. I think it's much easier to make others happy than it is to make yourself happy.

10. I live my life inspired by this girl called Rachel Joy Scott. She died in the Columbine High School Massacre in April 2000, and her parents wrote a book about the incident and about her and her relationship with God. It's called Rachel's Tears and my Dad got it for my birthday a while ago. She wrote in so many journals, and is the sole reason why I began writing in journals too. She lived according to an acronym of her middle name, that it was in this order that we should live our lives for: Jesus Others Yourself. I follow that too. She was the one who reached out to everyone around her, who would try to stay positive every moment of the day, who threw herself into everything she did. I want to be as inspirational as she is, and to be able to shine for Christ like she does.

11. I want to be able to cook spectacularly. This isn't working very well at the moment ==; HAHA but I'll try more after HSC.

12. I wear night contacts. For some reason, not a lot of people know this LOL. But yes, I do C: The left one is blue and the right one is purple (Y).

13. When I go shopping alone, I try to avoid shops that have noone in them. By being in them, even if it's my favourite shop in the world, it makes me feel selfconscious and I feel guilty if I leave the shop without buying anything. So whenever I find myself in such a situation, I stay until someone else comes into the shop before I surreptitiously leave.

14. There's a lot of people who I wish I was much closer to. So many who I wish I spent more time talking to, and more time trying to get to know them. It hurts to think about what-could-have-beens though.

15. I'm an avoider. I hate confronting problems, so I leave it. People have to stop me from doing that. It's unhealthy and it's academically and emotionally damaging.

16. I've been trying to decide what I'm going to do in my life/ what I'm going to do in uni since year 8. I still am not completely sure about what I really want to do.

17. This number reminds me of CC. HAHA

18. I used to always be able to remember people's birthdays. Since the HSC timetable came out, I can't remember anything but HSC exam dates, trial dates, when I finish HSC day. I even forgot my own birthday because of stupid HSC.

19. My parents both have a Masters degree, yet they now work at a Post Office. It makes me feel extremely guilty that they decided to leave their lives and friends back in HK but incredibly grateful that they did it so that my sister and I could have a better opportunity here in Australia. It's amazing and mindblowing and I will never be able to thank them enough.

20. When I was young, my mum made me read the dictionary. I never finished though. HAHA.

21. Online habits:
What's on your clipboard (What have you got copied)? this survey
What's the top on your most visited sites list? google
What do you spend most of your time doing online? depends when youre talking about. Ive had a neopets phase, an msn phase, a blogging phase, a tumblr phase, a facebook phase, a fanfiction phase. etc. I procrastinate a lot.

Real World Stuff:
Gender? female
Age? 17
Sexuality? straight
Prefer talking to people online or in real life? depends
First time you had a crush? hk preschool.
Where are you right now? upstairs rumpus/ study.
What are you wearing? pjs, fluffy bathrobe, underwear.
Who would you want most with you right now? someone who could teach me maths.
Are these questions making you feel slightly uncomfortable? no..

Personality
Easily angered? yes
Easily pleased? yes
Cares about others? yes
Have you been hugged more, or hugged others more? ummm.. not sure.
Follower or Leader? both, more follower though, I think.
Person who needs advice, or gives advice? Both.

Dream Person
Cute or Sexy? cute
Shorter or Taller? taller
Stylish? in a metrosexual way haha < ditto crystal.
Looks or Personality? both.. but probably personality more.
Share same interests? yes and no. not everything, but yea, some interests, sure.
Perceptive of other people, or yourself? hopefully of me LOL. i cant figure myself out.
Any other special attributes? not socially awkward. hahaa.

In the Moment
What are you listening to right now? nothing.
What was the last thing you did? um. type ? o_O what is this question really asking?
What other applications do you have open right now? two other ff browsers, ebuddy, two microsoft word documents.
What will you do after this? review maths for tomorrow/ finish 2u essay.

OMGGGG SUCH A LONG POST LOL
I guess it makes up for my lack of posting during the hols.

x